


Not So Subtle Stakeout

by BlackIris



Series: 500 Garden Party Extravaganza! [19]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame Line Reference with little to no context, Crack, F/M, Ice Cream, Movie References, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Other, Swearing, Wade Does What He Wants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 17:17:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18921526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackIris/pseuds/BlackIris
Summary: Prompts will be in bold throughout fic:25. “Sitting around waiting to get kidnapped. This is the best day ever.”79. “The ship had no name. The crew did not speak. If you saw it on the water, it was already too late.”92. “Why are you hiding behind me? What did you do?”





	Not So Subtle Stakeout

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MachiMaquiaveli](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MachiMaquiaveli/gifts).



> This was delightful and surprisingly challenging to write, but I like the direction it ended up going in.   
> Enjoy!

“Hop to bug boy, let’s go! My pooly-senses are all a-tingle.”

“Where are we going?” Peter asks, following Wade.

“To either get ice cream or commit a felony.”

“That’s not—"

“I’ll decide in the car. Get in!”

“Okay, but is this going to be like last time? Where we almost died?”

“Jesus H. Christ.” Wade throws the car in gear. “How many times do I have to apologize for that!?”

“Once would be nice. Nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“Hmmm, in that case. No! It’s not happening.”

Silence permeates the space between them, for three seconds before Wade breaks.

“Okay, fine. I’ll buy you ice cream, but then you need to drop it!”

“Why would I drop my ice cream?”

“Not! UGH!” Wade drops his head into the steering wheel with each word, the horn blaring on impact. “Not. The. Fucking. Ice. Cream. Dammit.”

A look of realization blooms on Peter’s face. “Ohhh.” He chuckles to himself. “Right. I knew that.”

 

* * *

 

“What are we doing here?” Peter asks, staring at the grocery store entrance.

“I’ve decided.”

“We are  _not_  committing a felony!”

“No, not that. When did I say that?”

“Earlier! You said ice cream or a felony. We got ice cream so I thought you were good!”

“I never said such a thing!” Wade hands his half-eaten ice cream to Peter and reaches into the back seat of the car. “Dammit, where is it?”

“Where’s what?” Peter licks his ice cream. He pauses looking at Wade’s triple chocolate cone and takes a lick.

Wade grumbles to himself and ends up half in the back seat, half in the front seat; ass half still in the front seat.

“Ah, ha!” Wade wiggles a so-so thick stack of papers. “Okay, here we go. ‘Girls’s Night?’ No. ‘Can’t Break What’s Already Broken?’ That was fun, but no. No. No. No. Uh, ‘Untitled?’ Wow. Going for the Pulitzer here, I can tell. That’s really original, better figure it out before you publish this shit show! Okay, yadda yadda—shit on biscuit plate three lines in?”

Peter side-eyes Wade’s ass as he continues to eat the chocolate ice cream.

“Fine! I said it but we’re no longer in the felony fun time part of this bit.”

“Are felonies fun?”

“No. Yes. Kinda.” Wade grumbles noncommittedly as he maneuvers back into the front seat.  “And that’s my chocolate ice cream! I told you not to get that Bubble-Yum crap!”

Peter giggles as Wade grabs back what’s left of his cone.

“So, what are we doing today?”

“Same thing we do every day, try to take over the world!”

 

* * *

 

One small argument later, Peter and Wade are still sat in the car.

“So, this is a stakeout?”

“Yep,” Wade says, making the ‘p’ pop.

“But it’s boring.”

“Fine, wanna hear a story?”

Silence.

“Double fine. There was this ship, right? Fucking terrifying thing. **The ship had no name. The crew did not speak. If you saw it on the water, it was already too late.”**

“What? That doesn’t make any sense. How could you be telling me about this if you saw it and it was too late?”

“It makes perfect sense!”

“You don’t make sense!”

Wade rolls his eyes. “God, I’m getting too old for this shit.”

“Oh, is that from that buddy cop movie? That really—”

“Ta, ta, ta,” Wade shakes his head. “If you say ‘really old movie,’ I’m going to lose what’s left of what’s left of my mind.”

“Okay...”

“Man, I’m starting to sound like RDJ. Does that make me old?”

“What?”

“What?”

Peter looks at Wade with large eyes, completely confused.

“Too soon?” Wade gives Peter an overly sympathetic look, “It’s not like I gave my love in a numerical amount and caused copious amounts of saline drops to fall from your crystalline orbs. Because I am  _not_  that cruel!”

“Was… was there anything  _in_  that chocolate ice cream? You’re starting to worry me a little.”

“What? No!”

“Okay.”

“Speaking of snacks. I do need you to do something for me.”

“Awesome.” Peter laughs uneasily. “What do I do?”

“I have an idea, but I’m not going to tell them.”

 

* * *

 

Thirty minutes later, and Peter is alone and still bored in the grocery store parking lot.

 **“Sitting around waiting to get kidnapped. This is the best day ever.”**  Peter says to himself. “Why do I listen to Wade?”

He lays on top of Wade’s car, legs swinging into the open windows; boredom fully taking over. His textbook lies abandoned on the hood, where he was formerly lounging.

Peter hears a loud, deep laugh followed by a softer, more familiar laugh.

“Whaaaat?” He jumps off the car and slides behind Wade.

 **“Why are you hiding behind me?**  Wait.  **What did you do?”**  Wade chastises Peter, looking around for some sort of chaos.

“I didn’t do anything!” Peter grabs Wade, turning him. “Why are you with my teacher?”

“Didn’t I tell you? We’re dating!”

“Wade.” Peter’s teacher lightly chides.

“I got this don’t worry.” Wade laughs and pushes Peter in front of him while grabbing her grocery bags and placing them in the back seat.

“Don’t be weird, don’t be weird.” Peter chants to himself.

Wade nudges Peter forward. “Ask them what their Hogwarts house is.”

“You can’t be serious!” Peter whispers yells at Wade. “Hello, Ms. Y/L/N.”

“Hello, Peter. Wade didn’t tell me you were here.”

“Yeah, he’s full of surprises.”

“Full of something.” Wade’s smile fades as he sees Peter’s book on the hood. “This is not a toy!”

“You’re a toy!”

“No, you are! You’re toy-sized! Fun-sized, even!”

“You two always like this?” She asks Peter with a laugh.

“That and more.” Wade laughs wrapping an arm around Peter’s neck and ruffling his hair. “He’s ma best bud!”


End file.
